Well it looks like I'm officially retired. I have been keeping a secret from everyone and even myself. Since the birth of my surrogate baby last April things have not been right. When I got my cycle back I have been having heavy bleeding. I contacted the doctor once and she gave my some medication but it did not work. Now she gave me a couple of options. I really don't want to go back on birth control. I got my tubes tied so I didn't have to be on birth control. So she suggested Endometrial Ablation, which is where they remove the endometrium (lining of the uterus), to reduce or eliminate future bleeding. With this procedure I have an 80% chance I will never get a bleed again. I have talked it over with my IM and they are not sure if they will ever do a surrogacy again.

IM is having Cathy's baptism and 1st birthday April 22nd. I can't wait to see them again. I want to give Cathy the necklace my IM gave me while I was carrying for them. Not sure if that is a good idea because they are not sure if they are going to tell Cathy when she gets older. I have no problem with that but I would like to give the necklace back since it was a bean that I took care of for them and now they have their bean.

On the surrogate note she wrote to me that "I wanted to mention this to you because it does not sound like I would get a break from chemo long enough to be able to go for IVF. So I just wanted to mention that we have no clue if and when we would be able to do this or if at all. I am not sure if you would want to do surrogacy with anyone else, but just wanted to be honest and not have you on hold as we have no idea what will happen next."

I am so happy they are going to concentrate on the chemo treatments. I would just be afraid of the cancer coming back from all the IVF drugs.

Please keep them in your prayers.

Sorry it has been a long time since I have updated. Nothing new to report on the sibling project. We are not looking for a transfer until the end of the summer. IM is still going through her chemo treatments. She will then need a couple of months to cycle on her own. She did agree we could use the clinic here in Baltimore and she would come down to do her transfer and stay with me. This will save me from having to take time off of work.

Personal issues. My husband was going for this job at work that would have been a supervisor position and made him feel better about himself. We found out today he did not get it and they hired someone from outside the company. My husband was told he was in the running but since he didn't have supervisory experience he didn't get it. This really S _ _ _ S!

Well I get an e-mail from IM that they were having a great time with the girls and it came up if they have thought if we ever had this discussion.

I replied back that I would love to help them again. We are going to wait until the end of next summer to make sure IM's treatments are going good.

I'll keep you posted as we start really talking about this. We are talking a lot of IF's.

Got a call from IM yesterday wishing me and my family a Happy Thanksgiving. I feel so bad that I have not been able to e-mail her more often. Having the boys in kindengarten really is taking up a lot of my time. I have also been really been committed to my job and have only had these late nights to write. I miss having her to talk to. Also I feel like I don't have as much to say to her as I did when I was pregnant with baby Cathy. I hope she understands that I'm just busy not trying to avoid her.